A Question

i have a question and would be really keen to hear what you have to say.


As you may have read before, D has restricted my ability to touch myself and give myself orgasm. i may not do this without permission. Also, on days that i can't wear my smart balls in the afternoon i am supposed to touch myself without reaching orgasm.


There's is a fair amount of tension between us about this for a couple of reasons. One is that i have failed a couple of time (please don't be mean, i'm new at this) and felt a fair amount of time feeling disappointed in myself for letting D down and guilty about  it but then D appeared to not be bothered and i haven't really received any correction (in the spirit of honesty He has talked about it when spanking me but only after i'd talked to Him about this). We are both in agreement that corporal  punishment is unlikely to work (at least right now) so i guess my question is if you are a sub then how does your Master react to this type of failure and if you are a Dom then how would you react- what am i doing wrong?


The other issue is that this restriction has totally ramped up my sex drive. i seem to be in a fairly constant state of subbie desire and i'm (again in the spirit of honesty, i don't like this about myself) feeling resentful that He's not taking any advantage of having me in this state so it kind of feels like the rule is hard to stick to under these circumstances. So here i guess my question is, if you are a sub then does this affect you the same way and does your Master make the most of it? and if you are a Dom then why do/would you use this restriction and how/would you take advantage of it?


Would be very interested to hear your opinions so please please comment!

training-ish

so i'm really struggling with the rules about masturbation and orgasms. i think there's a lot of things contributing to this. i've tried to compile a list to help me understand:

•  i suffer from insommnia (at times chronic) and i have often used masturbation as a way of relaxing myself.
• i have a high sex drive and i think that masturbating kinda helped me control this as since it's been restricted i'm feeling a lot more sexual frustration.
• D's sex drive is (certainly in current practical terms) quite a bit lower than mine.
• things are particularly stressful at the moment so i guess maybe i'm feeling the need for release more.
• the times when i have failed and broken rules D doesn't really seem bothered - He's certainly not really done anything more than laugh at me.- this is true for touching myself without permission and cumming without permission both on my own and during sex/play.

so last night i was trying to be good and not touch myself in bed, we were both extremely tired but i just couldn't get to sleep and was finding it frustrating. D decided to try something new and had me loosely hold Him while He rested His hand over my mound and clit. 

Immediately i was on fire and desperate. He persisted, He told me i needed to learn to break the habit. i argued that breaking the habit was one thing but making it even harder for me to sleep was another. He stuck to His guns though and insisted that i would have to get used to it as He would do it every night this week.

i managed to bite my tongue and try to accept but the crazy pent up energy was still there so i was lying there trying to keep quiet whilst squirming and fidgeting to try to find a way to release a bit of the energy and be able to sleep.

He kept me like this for half an hour, He comforted me when i was nearly in tears, 

and then He made me cum and wouldn't let me stop...

already today though i feel out of control with it again *sigh* i wish i was better at it. 

Denial

Sometimes it seems that some of the most effective things D does as a dominant actually involve Him doing nothing at all. 


Last night i was denied permission to touch myself in bed. i lay there feeling sooo horny, and frustrated, and embarrassed and very much under control.  


Having to ask permission feels so embarrassing. i both love it and hate it at the same time. It keeps that submissive feeling in my head - the side effect of this of course is that i find it incredibly arousing. i guess i'm finding that tough right now though because we've kinda agreed (mostly, D has decided in our interest) that the sex side of thing needs to be dampened down a little right now because we're handling so much that we're both utterly shattered. The irrefutable logic of this doesn't stop me fantasising about D randomly deciding He wants me tied up at His feet or presenting myself for His entertainment though. 


Hey, a girl can dream i right...?

discovering new bits of myself or How reading other blogs is affecting my life (in a good way)

In bed last night i expressed to D that i was feeling some resentment about the masturbation denial.  For a couple of reasons we're in the middle of two weeks where i can't use the k-balls so D is having me touch myself instead at the same time of day but i am not allowed to cum. i'm still not allowed to masturbate at all at any other time though. Even while we've had this 'mini- breakdown' i've stuck to this (with one small slip up) and i do like the concept of my orgasms becoming His and something i experience for His pleasure. The problem is though that due to houseguest, followed by "The Meltdown TM ", followed by a pressing work deadline for D, He's not exactly been making the most  of this ownership. 

We are both aware of my generally high sex drive and i had warned Him that i thought this denial would probably exacerbate it- so i guess neither of us was surprised by this pent up frustration really. i was taken off guard by His reaction though:

"ok You can masturbate but i want you to tell me what you're fantasising while you do it"

i don't think this is something i'd normally have an issue with, we've done similar stuff before infact, but this time it immediately brought up all the issues from "The Meltdown TM " and i felt very insecure. 

"fine i won't do it then".

Thankfully D didn't let me get away with that though and dealt with my issue firmly so that i couldn't find any excuses and i know my body was on D's side here too.

So i started by describing Discerning Dom's Post that i'd read yesterday and began to embellish upon it with D and i as the leading characters. As i was talking there was part of my brain saying

"What are you doing? This is about inspections, anal, buttplugs! These are so not things that arouse you!"

and another part answered:

"They do now, i know how much Sir enjoys it- nuff said"

and, quite frankly, my body didn't give a flying you-know-what, it was so hot and wet and ready to cum please!

"no, not yet"

huh?

As i bit back my surprise and desperately tried to hold on to my orgasm D began to talk as He rubbed himself over me. He described what He was seeing, How much He enjoyed keeping me on the edge and watching me bite my lip, buck my hips, breathe heavily, let out little moans. 

He made me wait an unbearably long time. i really felt i wasn't going to manage to say it heightened my focus is an understatement- all i could think about was holding it in for Him. 

When He finally thrust hard into  me and told me to cum i did- and HARD. It felt like it went on for ages like i couldn't stop...and then... when i thought i was spent, He pulled out and cam all over my stomach and breasts and rubbed it into me... and i came again. i've never had this kind if 'emotional orgasm' before and it felt incredible. D told me afterwards that He felt He saw part of me that had retreated kind of stretch out as He rubbed His cum into me and rejoin me. His description  and the way i felt made me think about Mouse's posts about 'the slave inside' and i definitely experienced the sensation of feeling like i couldn't get close enough to my Master.  

i slept better than i have in over two weeks - but gosh i feel so tired today. Guess my greedy body is craving more.

i miss touching myself!

 

i feel like i may as well be wearing one of these!

i'm not even allowed to ask to touch myself until friday evening and it's driving me crazy! 

i guess He has me right where He wants me huh? He's threatened to make me beg which is kind of intimidating and arousing at the same time... eek!