Brought in line

 i received my first 'real' punishment. i've been massively sleep deprived and not dealing well with things recently and i let it all come out at D focused on the frustration i've been feeling about not feeling much input from Him with TTWD.  To be honest i was pretty horrible and then i went off in a strop and fell asleep. 

After the children were in bed D spoke to me about my behaviour in a way He's not done before (thankfully i had the good sense not to try and argue back like i might have done in the past)  - it felt like a lecture and i quickly found myself feeling pretty humbled. He set me clear 'this is not acceptable-s' and expectations. 

The planned scenes for Sunday nights are now cancelled. This type of play will now only happen if i earn it and even then it depends on when D decides. i suspect this is going to be a very effective motivator for me, especially as my sex drive has always seemed higher than his. Oh and also He says there will def be no play until i've caught up on the ironing- drat, i've really been caught out on that one!

Bizarrely- even thinking about thiss makes me feel so much more ... secure. i feel like He really notices me and what i do. 

Cared for.

oh i nearly forgot to say... my punishment was that i was not allowed to touch Him in bed - even to cuddle. It was horrible, especially knowing that it left me unable to meet His needs. i think the very existence of the need for punishment, the guilt and the lectyre, was worse though. At least carrying out the punishment felt like an act of penitence so that i can be forward looking again.