Wednesday, 28 April 2010

A Question

i have a question and would be really keen to hear what you have to say.

As you may have read before, D has restricted my ability to touch myself and give myself orgasm. i may not do this without permission. Also, on days that i can't wear my smart balls in the afternoon i am supposed to touch myself without reaching orgasm.

There's is a fair amount of tension between us about this for a couple of reasons. One is that i have failed a couple of time (please don't be mean, i'm new at this) and felt a fair amount of time feeling disappointed in myself for letting D down and guilty about  it but then D appeared to not be bothered and i haven't really received any correction (in the spirit of honesty He has talked about it when spanking me but only after i'd talked to Him about this). We are both in agreement that corporal  punishment is unlikely to work (at least right now) so i guess my question is if you are a sub then how does your Master react to this type of failure and if you are a Dom then how would you react- what am i doing wrong?

The other issue is that this restriction has totally ramped up my sex drive. i seem to be in a fairly constant state of subbie desire and i'm (again in the spirit of honesty, i don't like this about myself) feeling resentful that He's not taking any advantage of having me in this state so it kind of feels like the rule is hard to stick to under these circumstances. So here i guess my question is, if you are a sub then does this affect you the same way and does your Master make the most of it? and if you are a Dom then why do/would you use this restriction and how/would you take advantage of it?

Would be very interested to hear your opinions so please please comment!


  1. I think that you might need to ask yourself what sort of sub are you going to be? Me? I'm a bedroom sub. I cede control in that area -- but we do not have elaborate rules or rituals in the rest of our lives.

    If you are going for a 24/7 sub experience -- then (and I must admit I have no experience here only opinions) you may expect there to be some aspect of punishment to the relationship -- keeping in mind that punishment might not be corporal -- but might include ignoring you and your wants.

    sounds like you guys are still defining the borders of your relationship.

    But think about it this way (in regards to training) -- If you were teaching your child a new skill -- would you spank him when he failed? Or would you teach him through encouragement and praise.....

    Good luck you guys -- I'm very much enjoying the he said/she said aspect of your individual blogs


  2. For me, it's about the D/s aspects rather than the sex, even when it is the sex that is restricted or manipulated in whatever way he chooses.

    I'm not sure if that makes sense or not, but I tend to "get off" on being so controlled, and he tends to really enjoy forcing me to a place of begging for whatever is uppermost in my mind at the time, and so it is very much a mental/emotional thing for us, as well as physical.

    I will say that Padrone would punish me if I disobeyed him in that area, though...but once I asked what he would do if I came without permission, and he said that he had never even thought about it because frankly he couldn't imagine it happening - lol.

    I have no idea if that answers the question you put forth or not, but it's kind of where we are, and how we handle this kind of situation.

    Btw, I haven't cum except by his command in so long that I don't know if I even could anymore!

  3. D's,

    Hmm. Orgasm control is a tricky thing. If it's used the right way it can enhance things between you and your Dom--as it can definitely increase feelings of submission. If it's allowed to continue too long it can lead to strong feelings of failure (this is true for both sexes). When there is a failure, from the sub side of things, punishment is needed, because we tend to look at punishment as penance. We have a hard time moving forward or beyond if something isn't done. *Not just talking about orgasm control here either could be for any broken rule.

    From the dom side, I know O didn't always understand that, and would often just let me wallow in my frustration, which would lead to further acting out. It wasn't until I explained to him that I really needed to be punished somehow for my actions that he started picking up his consistency in that area.

    hope this helps and hugs,

  4. sfp: When i first brought TTWD to the table i thought it was just going to be a bedroom thing. We quickly discovered though that there were a lot of other elements that worked well for us and we are now at a point that's kind of 24/7 although with the realities of 2 young children, His job and my training course i'm not sure 24/7 is an accurate description- it's still kind of dipping in and out at the mo which is probably most of the problem.
    i don't think either of us really wants corporal punishment as we agree about the carrot versus stick approach but to be honest there's not alot of either carot or stick here atm.
    Glad you're enjoying the dual blog thing- let's hope it doesn't descend into bickering hee hee (as if i'd dare!).

    shiava: i think i'm similar about getting off on feeling the control but i'm not confident that D gets off on it. i guess when i read about other's experiences with this i see the Dom taking alot of pleasure in 'playing with' or 'teasing' ie taking pleasure in the effect the denial has on their sub. i'm wondering if maybe because i'm not experiencing this then subconsciously my failure was to see if He at least would be displeased without it?
    It's great to hear views from someone who'd been doing this longer- a lot of things are new and confusing for us right now!


  5. Mouse: that was weird i think we posted at the exact same time!
    THank you so much- that's i think exactly how i feel and it's very reassuring to hear that you once had a similar problem. We are talking about it but don't think i've explained myself very well so far- hopefully reading this together might help.

  6. I think think the two of you have to decide what you want out of TTWD.

    If you want him to take control and he puts you on orgasm denial, then there must be punishment if you slip or he's not taking control.

    Now punishment doesn't have to be corporal or a spanking. He could make you stand with your nose to a wall with your arms above your head. You would be surprised how difficult that is if you do it long enough.

    Or tit bondage. You tie a rope tightly around your tits. Or a crotch rope. A rope around your belly and then down through your slit where you tie a knot so it rubs inside your pussy and then back up and tie it in the bank. Very, very tightly.

    Or he could two containers of ice water on a table and you have to sink your tits into them.

    I stole that idea from Jaynessubmissive She's on orgasm denial for weeks at a time and yet it's turnon for her. She also does the female slaves directory that you've already linked to so you could find her easily. And her Master makes her post naked pictures without showing her face.

    Reading Jaynes blog, you see she doesn't feel resentful that it amps up her sex drive and yet he doesn't take advantage of it although he does take his pleasure on occasion while keeping her in denial. Her latest post is on that subject.

    But whether he uses her or not, it just turns her on even more to be kept in denial. Making you live with a ramped up sex drive and yet being denied is part of his control. You should embrace that even though it's very hard.

    Anyway, the bottom line if he's taking control and tells you to do something, there has to be consequences if you don't.

    And you asked why a dom would do this. It's part of him taking control and nothing is more intimate than taking control of your sex drive. It shows how you are serving him and obeying him and submitting to his wishes.

    But again, it's for the two of you to work out. And I'm enjoying both your blogs and you both kind of figure out what works for the both of you. I'll keep reading and see where you go with this.


  7. Hello,

    For what its worth I have lived this sort of sex life for quite some years now and it works well for me personally (and my husband, sir). My orgasm denial started years ago and developed over time.

    At first I felt annoyed that I was denied relief and being the sort of strong character I am in real life I did what I wanted to and enjoyed orgasms (without my husband knowing).

    For me though it didnt work, so I had to tell him I had done it. I can still remember when I told him, we were taking shopping from our car to our kitchen and he looked at me and said something like 'you havent, have you?' in almost disbelief.

    We continued to talk about it and I confessed I had done so more than once. When all the shopping was in the kitchen and our doors were closed to the outside world he suddenly took hold of my arm (gently) and took me to the corner of the kitchen. He pressed my nose against the wall (I didnt resist).

    I was wearing boots and jeans on my bottom half I recall and he unzipped them and pulled my jeans and knickers down over my boots. He then told me that this was my punishment for what I had done, I would stand there until I promised it would not happen again, and if I did do it again I would also be spanked next time, then made to stand in the corner of a room.

    I looked ridiculous no doubt standing there like that but when he said in his harsh voice 'do not move, dont even fidget' I was transfixed. This had never happened before and I realsied very quickly that it really turned me on.

    He left me there for fully 10 minutes whilst he did other things, totally ignoring me and I felt really silly. Then, he came back into the kitchen and told me to turn around and face him and oh goodness that was so so embarrassing and humiliating.

    I looked and felt ridiculous and he then started talking to me as if I was a child, telling me off, and saying that he would no longer be my sexual master if I ever misbehaved like that again. He made me look at the floor whilst he spoke to me. It really turned me on and when he continued by telling me how silly I looked with my wetness dribbling down the inside of my leg I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. But, it turned me on even more to hear him say those things.

    He allowed me no sexual relief at that time nor for a few days after and that was the start of my orgasm denial. Yes I became angry at times and when I did I was punished in all sorts of ways. We dont use hard corporal punishments but other more subtle ones and since then my punishments have become part of my daily sex life. FD mentioned some of what we use and there are others which I must do a post on soon.

    My denial has built up over time and its been used to keep me obedient and for me it works. We ahve had times when sir will suddenly decide to milk me over and over until I cant stand anymore and I have enjoyed that too. Its the extremes I like, without the serious pain (stinging I dont mind but not serious pain).

    I am so very sorry I have gone on so long I didnt intend to. Suffice to say that I think that any time we are naughty, in whatever way it is, its important that we are punished. For me, its not so important we are 'used' when we are horny, because if we arent it simply makes us more wanton (and I enjoy that, personally).

    Sorry once again and good luck.

    Luv to you both:)


  8. Go Here

    This is real O control