training-ish

so i'm really struggling with the rules about masturbation and orgasms. i think there's a lot of things contributing to this. i've tried to compile a list to help me understand:

•  i suffer from insommnia (at times chronic) and i have often used masturbation as a way of relaxing myself.
• i have a high sex drive and i think that masturbating kinda helped me control this as since it's been restricted i'm feeling a lot more sexual frustration.
• D's sex drive is (certainly in current practical terms) quite a bit lower than mine.
• things are particularly stressful at the moment so i guess maybe i'm feeling the need for release more.
• the times when i have failed and broken rules D doesn't really seem bothered - He's certainly not really done anything more than laugh at me.- this is true for touching myself without permission and cumming without permission both on my own and during sex/play.

so last night i was trying to be good and not touch myself in bed, we were both extremely tired but i just couldn't get to sleep and was finding it frustrating. D decided to try something new and had me loosely hold Him while He rested His hand over my mound and clit. 

Immediately i was on fire and desperate. He persisted, He told me i needed to learn to break the habit. i argued that breaking the habit was one thing but making it even harder for me to sleep was another. He stuck to His guns though and insisted that i would have to get used to it as He would do it every night this week.

i managed to bite my tongue and try to accept but the crazy pent up energy was still there so i was lying there trying to keep quiet whilst squirming and fidgeting to try to find a way to release a bit of the energy and be able to sleep.

He kept me like this for half an hour, He comforted me when i was nearly in tears, 

and then He made me cum and wouldn't let me stop...

already today though i feel out of control with it again *sigh* i wish i was better at it.