Not touching myself is something i'm finding very difficult.
i've always had difficulty getting to sleep and have often suffered from bouts of insomnia and bringing myself had become a bit of a crutch for me to be honest. Up until this week i'd probably done it virtually every night for the last ten or so years. So it's hard. But i like that it's hard. i think until this week things had still very much been about what i wanted: the control i need to feel, the ways i need Him to be dominant, how being used makes me cum - you get the picture.
Now that i'm struggling with something that He's decided completely off His own back it seems so much better. i seem to have totally relaxed into just experiencing our personal brand of D/s. i can cope when things don't go 'to plan' (by which i probably mean to my plan- doh) and D seems so much more confident because i'm not second guessing Him.
i feel like i want to keep striving to please Him like this. i like that it's beginning to change the focus for both of so that our mindsets are more about HIs pleasure. i'm wondering if me being denied orgasm during sex for a (hopefully short!) while might be a natural progression to help both of us explore this. It feels like it's been mostly about getting me off for most of our relationship for one reason or another.
********************8
Update: i've just read domestic daisy's post. She described what i'm trying to so much better than i can! It's soooo reassuring to know other people are experiencing the same things. Thanks Daisy :)
Posts
That is quite a similar situation. It's an interesting mix of feelings though. On the one hand, we crave the Dominance, on the other, we still like getting what we want. It feels good to be working on crossing the line over to focusing more on Him though doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you're submitting to his control. I can imagine it's hard not touching yourself when you've been doing it for years and it helps you to sleep, but I imagine it brings your submission to a new level.
ReplyDeleteAnd let's hope he rewards you with some good cums.
FD
domesticdaisy - yes it feels really good, it's interesting though that having talked to D again, i seem to be more concerned about the 'me' focus than He is. i guess it's possible to overanalyse this because i could argue that even wanting to shift the focus onto His needs is still about what i want lol!
ReplyDeleteFD - yes it is hard but i'm getting better thanks! i definitely feel like i'm reaching a new level and, very importantly, like He is too.
i certainly share Your hope for me being rewarded! *blushes*