We've discussed the issues we both were feeling about the effect of scheduled maintenance and scenes but D has decided that we're going to keep it like that. i think He's right because our lives are so busy at the mo that it would probably fall to the wayside otherwise. We're both going to try to be more focused the rest of the time and allow for more spontaneity. D is helping me learn that He doesn't have to be 'fair' or 'nice' or give me warning and i love it- it is really helping me feel more 'submitted'.
Maintenance meeting tonight though and i don't think i've been a very good girl this week- eek!
Hopeless Dom
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I am pretty hopeless at being a dom in some senses, I think I haave got to
grips with the basics of the kinky sex which I was interested in and
physicall...
13 years ago
Posts
I think scheduled scenes and maintenance are useful...I have nilla friends that schedule "sex nights." Ya it predictable, and seems on the surface that it's dull, but I think the reality is that when you do schedule those things it shifts the focus for a time away from the everyday stuff that bogs you down and onto each other.
ReplyDeletehugs,
mouse
Yes, I think maintenance spankings are a good idea just as Mouse said, vanilla couples have sex nights.
ReplyDeleteIf couples don't plan for couple time, it can tend to get overlooked because so many of us have busy lives.
And it's sound great that he doesn't feel the need to be nice and you're feeling more submissive. I think if he says he's going to lead and you're to follow and he sticks to it and doesn't slack off, you'll both be happier and your relationship will be better. But he's got to stick to it or you'll probably get frustrated.
Hope things keep working out well for both of you.
FD
I agree that having at least one planned night a week is very important. Doesn't even have to be for "play". I mean if all you have energy for is to snuggle up on the sofa or in bed to watch a movie it's still quality time and can help center you both.
ReplyDeleteWe used to schedule maintenance, but it did fall to the wayside. Now we just do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. We still have to schedule it, but instead of it being a weekly thing, it's "well you're getting antsy, so tomorrow night we'll do maintenance" kind of thing... and that works for us.
We also have every Saturday night set aside as Master and slave night. Anything goes on that night... we can do a scene, play games, watch a movie, lay in bed and talk, or all of the above. The focus is time for us to be together without any other distractions (given that the little girl is actually in bed asleep). Sometimes it doesn't work out cause other things get in the way, but we always make sure we make up for it some time over the next couple of nights.
mouse: i completely agree about the creation of focus. A lot of the time right now it feels like there's so much going on that our relationship gets lost somewhere in the middle so creating time like this definitely feels like it has more positives than negatives.
ReplyDeleteFD: i agree that we both need Him to stick to things as well as me. We had a real massive step forwatd on Fri that i'm going to write about in a minute!
Spirited: i showed your post to D and He stole the movie idea straight away :) It's a new thing for us to do stuff like that as Dom and sub - it really helps kind of 'cement' the feelings.