We have had a pretty horrendous week here! D has been suffering from the stress of some outside factors that have been making Him very low. Perfect timing for me to undergo an invasive and painful medical procedure. We were both pretty much unable to give each other the support we needed and it led to some pretty unpleasant rows and very hurt feelings. It's only today that i even feel able to write about it, having finally got past feeling so wounded.
i think we both became quite self-obsessed/ self-pitying and it was horrible, to be frank.
It is my belief that TTWD could help us in this kind of situation, and ultimately, it did as my bottom will attest. Yesterday morning D gave me a good, hard spanking to tears that brought my right out of myself again and i think helped Him feel back in control. i'd been asking for days though- He really struggles i think to reconcile the fear of hurting me - i'm wondering if anyone might have other suggestions from their experience for non-physical ways of dealing with these kinds of situations?
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We've tried a lot of things, but the only thing that seems to help is the corporal punishments and maintenance discipline. Even having privileges removed didn't really seem to help. Somehow the pain of a good beating always brings me back to center, though.
ReplyDeleteAs far as falling into the trap of becoming self-absorbed... well that's just a learned skill really. When it happens you have to force yourself out of that mode. Maybe by taking a moment when you both realize you're doing it and consciously make an effort to listen to each other and find some sort of compromise so that you're both getting what you need. The more you do it, the easier it'll get until it becomes second nature.
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His fear of hurting you can be resolved with time and practice, and you should tell him, thank him, when he has got it right. The more he spanks you regularly, (another good reason to do 'maintenance') the more he will be come accustomed to your limits and reactions, sense your needs, and feel confident in his ability to know what he can feel comfortable with. Sara
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