A sea change

sorry for not writing sooner- have been busy having a very full but extremely lovely weekend catching up with friends and gardening with D and the kids - yay!


Some things happened for us on Fri though that i wanted to write about. Fri is usually our scheduled 'maintenance meeting' but when i went to take the children to bed D looked like He was about to fall asleep in the chair within seconds so i was pretty much preparing myself for things to need to be delayed/ put on hold. 


So i was very surprised that when i came downstairs, D was writing in His journal and instructed me to go and get a candle to light on the coffee table.

He had me sit on the floor by the coffee table and watch the candle flame as He finished writing. He reached forward and placed a hair clip on my ear as He told me to 'focus'. It really hurt! As i tried to keep  quiet though ,so that i didn't distract Him, i began to accept the pain and be able to focus like He'd asked and i started to feel calmer i think. 
When He's finished writing, D came to the other side of the table and took off the clip. Boy does that burn but i'm starting to understand the meaning of 'good pain'.  
To be honest i can't even remember the detail of what D said but i know that it made me feel truly wonderfully reassured. He told me that He was beginning to recognise that He'd always wanted me this way - it was making me feel like He really wanted TTWD. 
He talked to me about how He wanted to make this work and i have come away from that conversation with a much clearer understanding of what He wants and His expectations of me. 
i even had the guts to explain that i was feeling that as much as i want the submission it is really hard for me because i am so feisty and i am so used to being in control. i guess i was basically asking Him to help 'break me in' hee hee.


i don't really feel like i'm doing this justice so i'm going to just say that it felt like a really beautiful moment. There has definitely a sea change here and i imagine i've yet to discover the full meaning of that
*shivers with anticipation*